I'm about to lose my Mind (Open)

This thread is after ‘Let the Fun Begin’

There was nothing she wanted at the moment, then for Stiles to be okay, she was still covered in his blood, and she was pissed off to high hell. She was not sure how it happened, but she was going to find out, and she was going to pay whoever did it pay. She cursed softly, she was pacing in the hospital room, they had patched Stiles up, and she was here feeling like she was going insane. She curled her hands into fists, “Wake up damn it, Stiles.” She was not angry with him, she was angry with herself, she should have been there, she could have protected him. She could have taken whatever happened instead, she kept pacing, she snapped at a nurse or two who tried to attend to her. “It’s not my blood damn it, leave me be!” She yelled, and finally the nurses left her alone, and she was not leaving Stiles alone. Nope. Never.

Stiles slowly opened his eyes as he heard his cousin yelling at the nurses. He turned his head slowly to look at her and then spoke quietly, "Sky?" He could barely speak because every part of him was weak. He had lost too much blood. The pain coming from his ribs was also killing him. Derek had beaten him very close to death and it was all his fault, not Derek's. Sky was going to be so mad at him and he didn't want to her to be. He just wanted her to be with him and make him feel safe. But everything was going to be ruined when she found out what happened to him.

When her name was spoken by her cousin, she glanced to him, as she moved to him, sitting down in a chair next to the bed. She slid her hand into one of his, “I am here.” And she meant that, as she laced her fingers with his, as she held his hand, she wanted to keep near him, as she glanced to his face, and she leaned over and laid her head against his shoulder. She was trying to be as gentle as possible, she was scared, she had almost lost him and that fired her up more than anything. “What… who..." She wanted to know, needed to know.

Stiles squeezed her hand as tightly as he could which honestly wasn't very tight at all. He was just glad that she was there with him and that she hadn't left him. When she asked him who, he frowned because he didn't want to tell her. Maybe he didn't have to. If he did everything, literally everything would be ruined. "I, I don't know." He closed his eyes and hoped to god that she would believe him.

She was like a pot on a low boil right now, but when she heard him straight out lie, her temper went up exceptionally. “Don’t lie and don’t protect whoever did this. I’m going to ask you again… you lie again. I’ll use what I have to make you tell the truth.” And she meant it, as she glanced up at him, her blue eyes already swirling with power and temperament, she wanted blood that wasn’t Stiles, she had enough of his blood on her hands, she wanted to make them dirty with someone else’s. She was pissed off, as she curled her hands into fists, wanting to hurt whoever almost killed her cousin.

Stiles frowned and a tear ran down his cheek as she threatened to make him tell the truth. He didn't want it to come to this and he felt bad enough already. So he whispered to her, "Derek, it was Derek." More tears ran down his cheek as he thought about how angry she was about to get. "Please Sky, let me explain." He couldn't open his eyes to look at her face, he didn't want to see the pain in her eyes. He couldn't take it. "Please don't leave me here." He held onto her hand, "Please."

But when he had spoken the name of who did it, she stopped cold, she felt her blood go from boiling to ice in 0.2 seconds, and she stared at him, as if asking if he was serious. The carnage that was done to Stiles, she glanced over herself, his blood still on her clothes and dried on her hands. She shook her head a bit, she shook her head a bit, “… Derek… he… did this?” She was almost choking, and she squeezed his hand a bit, she heard him want to explain, but how the fuck could he explain this? “Talk fast… before I go rip his heart out.” And she meant it, right now she had meant it, her eyes were hard, but inside… oh she was hurting, she felt betrayed.

Stiles ran a hand down his face, "It's my fault, please. Don't do anything that you are going to regret later. I tried to keep him away from you Sky. I was trying to protect you... And you know how I punched him earlier, well he didn't take it very well. When he punched me the first time, I- I provoked him, I wanted him to hurt me! I knew that you would hate him if he did. And then he got so angry, but I kept on making him angrier until... I passed out. I wanted this to happen. And I know that this makes me a terrible person, so just don't be mad at him because everything is going to fall apart. It's my fault.." He groaned out in pain because his ribs were getting worse and he couldn't move at all. "Please stay with me..." He started to cry even more, he felt so small. He had ruined everything.

“You … provoked a werewolf… an Alpha? How stupid are you to---“ She stopped though, before she said something she’d regret later, but he was sitting here and signing her death warrant. She nodded simply a bit, she was already shutting herself down, she had to, so she just nodded once more. “I understand.” She simply stated, she would not comfort him, no, he was bringing this upon himself, but she was going to have a talk with Mr. Hale when she saw him. She already knew what she was going to do, it wouldn’t work. Stiles would never let it work, Stiles would never budge, or bend, and she couldn’t trust someone who lost their temper so badly and hurt, almost killed her cousin. She hung her head, she would fix it her way, she would give up anything to make it right, as she spoke softly, “I’ll fix it. You won’t lose me…” She was the one who was giving up everything, and she had no choice in the matter. “Just… go to sleep okay? I’ll be here when you wake up…”

Stiles shook his head and opened his eyes looking at her, "No, I'm not tired and I'm not letting you leave. Please, just stay here and yell at me or something, please, just don't leave me Sky.." He looked into her eyes begging her not to go anywhere. "I think it would be best if you just got everything out right now, I don't want to feel like this ever again, so you might as well go now when I can't feel any worse." He looked down shamefully, wishing that he could stop the tears and wishing that his cousin would just comfort him. Hug him, and make him feel loved. Because, after everything that had just happened and how she was acting now, he certainly didn't feel loved.

She wanted to keep it inside, because she had to, she knew if she let it all out she wouldn’t be able to control herself. Slowly, she moved to slide into the bed with him, wrapping an arm around him. She sighed softly, as she leaned over to lay her head against his, murmuring softly, “I’m not going anywhere.” She simply stated, she hugged him, she did love him, she really did, as she spoke softly, “No more provoking werewolves, yeah?” She simply asked him, as she turned her head to kiss his cheek softly, she was trying to show him he was still loved.

Stiles closed his eyes again and took a deep breath. He nodded to his cousin, "Yeah." He needed her to get everything out though because if she waited until later, it would literally push him into a depression. He already felt bad at the moment and he didn't think he could feel worse so he needed her to get angry at him, as weird as it sounds. "Please yell at me Sky. I'm begging you to do it now. If you wait until later, things will get bad. Let it all out right now, please..." Stiles felt so weak because of how much he was begging Skylla, but the truth was, he was weak.

When he begged her too yell at him, she merely stated, “What’s the point? You never listen anyway. You just go off and do these things. Now reverse it, if I had done the same with Lydia… yeah, how would you feel? But wait. Your love doesn’t kill you. No… but you all go out there and keep him away from me, signing my death warrant practically.” She was keeping her tone even for now, but she had let go of him before she really started to yell, “Then proceed to provoke him! A werewolf! That is really stupid, Stiles! Really fucking stupid! And he’s a moron for letting you bait him into doing this!” And now she was yelling, “Fine, you get your way, I’m done with Derek. I’ll tell him that, once you’re well and at home. I’ll tell him. And kick his ass to boot.”

She shook her head though, “I won’t say anything about Lydia anymore, I won’t protect you anymore… You wanted me to yourself, fine… go after Lydia. Be happy. But thank you for saving me… you saved me from being happy. He never once tried to hurt me. All he did was try to make me happy, he was willing to get along with you, for me. But you wouldn’t even try! You wouldn’t even TRY! Thank you so much for breaking us up! Even if he did nothing to me! Nothing! You know how I feel? I feel like you’d rather see me dead than see me happy with him. So you got your wish. Next time I’m lying in a ditch… leave me there and let me die… because you put me in there in the first place! You make me feel guilty for loving him, every day, when I told you that what you were doing, to break us up would KILL me! And you still went on and did it! Thanks for showing how much you love me, Stiles. Thank you SO much.”

Stiles watched his cousin yelling at him in complete horror and tears were streaming down his face. It wasn't that he was scared of Sky, but of himself. Of what he had done to her, because every single thing she was saying to him was one hundred percent true. All of it, and that is what killed him the most. The fact that he ruined his cousin's relationship with not only Derek, but with him as well. He practically killed her! All he wanted to do was keep her safe and happy, but he didn't realize that he was doing the exact opposite. So, he just looked down shamefully and nodded at Sky, "I was just trying to protect you, I"m so sorry." He wasn't going to stand up for himself or Lydia because she was right and frankly, he just didn't have the energy or will power to fight any longer. What Sky had just said to him did in fact make him feel worse and he felt hated, but he knew that he deserved this. Hell, he deserved to die in his mind. He truly wished that he would have because the words that Sky just spoke were killing him inside and he couldn't take it anymore. He turned onto his stomach and began to cry into his pillow, he could feel a panic attack coming on so he tried to calm down. Of course, he was unsuccessful.

It wasn’t fair, none of it was, as she shook he head when he had started to cry, she turned from him, as she leaned forward, her hands on the window ceil, she was staring out, her own tears falling. “I’ve begged you over and over to try to get along with him. But you kept on being stubborn, it’s killing me to fight with you… to have you both just… “ She shook her head when he started to have a panic attack, for him to start to cry. “I’ve always been honest with you. And you just block me out… “ She shook her head a bit, “It’s not going to work anyway, you two will never get along. So I’m dead anyway.” She shook her head a bit, she was going to tell Stiles something else, “I was going to start using drugs again, because I cannot cope with this anymore… Derek stopped me.”

She glanced at him, “That’s the type of man he is… “ And she thought he needed to know what he had done, no holding back. But she moved to him regardless, as she rubbed his back slightly, trying to comfort him, but at the same time she needed him to do something. “If I… start slipping away, if I do go… you take care of my Dad, get his ass here… he needs to be with you and your Dad if something happens to me.” And she needed that, she sat there on the edge of the bed and stared at the wall, “Now calm down… you’re getting what you wanted, you should be happy.” And she had all the fight leave her, all the anger, she was just… she gave up.

Stiles couldn't concentrate on what she was saying to him because he literally could not breath. He tried, he was gasping for air but nothing was happening and as she spoke up something happening to her he yelled, "Shut up! SHUT UP!"The thought of her dying was too much for him. He was starting to freak out even more and as she spoke about him getting what he wanted he started to bawl. "All-" He gasped and starting to talk again, "I ever wanted is for you to be happy and safe, stop making me look like the only one who has done wrong here! God dammit! I can't even move." He was still bawling and gasping for air, the panic attack was only getting worse and the more Sky said, the more she broke his heart. He wondered if she knew what she was doing to him, if she wanted him to feel like this. Like there was no reason to live and that he had no one. Maybe it was what he deserved, but it sucked. And now, he couldn't even breath and she was just ignoring it.

It wasn’t that she was ignoring it, she was being a little vindictive, showing him what it was he made her feel. “I’m not doing anything, you did this to yourself. Showing you how it feels to beg, to be ignored and keep doing what hurts the person you’re supposed to love!” There was a key difference, she was showing him what she felt, but it was only a fraction of it. “Try to take what you’re feeling and multiply it. That’s how I fucking feel, every single goddamn day. You wanted me to get it all out, Stiles… remember that?” She simply stated, her Siren nature was taking over, it had enough, and it was shutting down her humanity for the time being.

She went as far as to lift up her hand to press against his ribs, hissing quietly, nope, it wasn’t exactly Skylla anymore, “I tried to tell you… family and Derek keep my humanity, my compassion… you’re pushing me away, now I have to push Derek away. So guess what happens… no more humanity… or at least less of it.” She pressed a bit more against his ribs, her blue eyes were gone, they were only sea foam now. The human part of Skylla was weakened by all the fighting, the depression, the emotions, they were drowning her, so she went and hid, letting the creature that lurked deep inside out for a little bit.

“Happy and Safe? Did it look like I’ve been happy and safe… each time you badgered me about Derek… each time you plotted and planned ways to break us up? Every single time you fought with me, defended Lydia when she hurt you and preventing me from doing anything about it!” She was starting to shake, she had to pull back the Siren, before she was the cause Stiles’ death, this was why she could never ever lose her temper completely, she had a firm hold on it usually, on the Siren. When she could finally pull it back enough to where she was back in control, she hummed softly, she was working on taking away his pain, not heal him, just to take away his pain as much as possible to get him to breathe.

When she spoke her voice changed a bit, a bit soft, “I’m sorry… I … the Siren… it… just calm down, please calm down…” She was feeling guilt all over again, although she spoke the truth while in that form, she just… well he told her not to hold back, as she leaned over to kissed his cheek softly, murmuring into his ear, “Just slow, deep breaths… I’m so sorry… just… try to breathe… “

Stiles groaned loudly as Sky pushed on his ribs. It hurt more than anything he had ever felt before and it was just a small push on his ribs. He wondered what she was doing. It was really starting to scare him and as she pushed harder he started to yell, but bit his pillow so that the nurses didn't come in. The last thing he wanted was for Sky to get in trouble. But she was hurting him, so badly, both mentally and physically now. He put his hands on his ribs and tried to calm himself because he was still panicked. Nothing was working and he couldn't breathe. He shook his head at her, "Go.." He couldn't stand being hurt like this anymore, he wanted to die. He was praying that he would. She had just ripped his heart out with the words that she had said and he didn't want her to see him like this. He loved her too much to have her see how much pain he was in. "I can tell that this is killing you to be with me, so go!" He was still gasping. He really didn't want her to leave, actually, if she left it would kill him even more inside, but she was hurting him and he didn't know what to do. Plus, he knew that she never once fought with Derek about how he had treated her right when Derek was being a complete asshole. She never told him how much Stiles meant to her and that Derek was trying to take that away. She loved Derek more than him and he hated that. Stiles was still gasping for air and trying to calm down, but at the same time he didn't want to calm down, maybe then he would just lose air completely and he would die. That way he wouldn't have to live his life knowing what he had done to Sky. he wouldn't have a broken heart anymore.

“I’m sorry.” And she meant that, she did not mean to hurt him, but everything was falling apart and it was hard to stay in control. She needed to stay in control and she knew that, as she bit her bottom lip slightly. When he spoke the last statement, she shook her head, “You’re my cousin, I love you. Why can you not believe that? Why can’t you understand that there is enough room in my heart for both of you… “ She slid a hand into one of his, she lifted up the hand to hold it in both of hers. “I’m not going anywhere. I love you, very much. Why can’t you see that?” She did not understand, as she moved to lay there in the bed with him, she was not going anywhere, and she sighed softly, as she hummed softly, the vibrations in the air changing, she was weaving her Siren song again, except this time, she was trying to take his pain away, to numb it for the time being. “Let me take your pain away, just for a little while… and rest for me, please?” She asked softly, as she leaned over to lightly nuzzle his neck and kiss his cheek, murmuring, “I’m sorry I’m a horrible cousin…”

Stiles sighed and shook his head as she spoke. "Why can't I see that? Oh i don't know.. Maybe because your intentionally hurting me when I have broken ribs! Or because you are yelling at me right now while I'm laying in a hospital bed because that dumb ass tried to kill me! And the only reason I'm in here was because I was trying to keep you safe! But all you see is the bad part of what I did. You don't see that I was only doing it for you because you are pretty much all that I have left. But no, all your doing is thinking about how I ruined your relationship with Derek and that all of it is my fault! And I'm lying here with broken bones and a broken heart!" He shoved his face back into the pillow and tried as hard as he could to stop the tears. He hated feeling this helpless and sad. It wasn't normal. He shook his head, "No, I deserve the pain. Don't. It's not like anything could hurt as much as the things you just said." He frowned. She wasn't a terrible cousin, he was. The worst part was that he made her feel like she was.

“You told me to yell at you! Goddamn it, you tell me to get it all out and when I do, you bitch about it! He isn’t perfect either, but Goddamn it I cannot trust him now. And I can’t fucking trust you.” And that was what it was really about, “I fucking told you, over and over I love you, how much you mean to me, that no one is taking me away from you. You’re the one being stubborn! You’re the one who won’t bend for anything! So fuck you, Stiles!” She was annoyed as hell and sick of fighting with him, “I was thinking how I almost lost you, you fucking moron! You have any idea what it would do to me to lose you?! I saw you laying there in your own blood! And I know Derek did it! I’m done with him, and if you keep fucking pushing me away… I lose you too…” And the last part was quiet, unbearable quiet, she shook her head, “To lose both in one day… “ She lifted up her hands to wipe away her own tears, “Just… go sleep. I don’t want to talk anymore, I don’t want to hear anymore, just get better…”

He punched the bed and although it hurt him to move, he had no other choice. Everything was being ruined. "You're already losing me. You're pushing me away." And with that he just stopped talking. She told him to, so he would, even though he didn't want to. he had so much more to say to her. But it wasn't going to be fighting words, just apologies, hoping that she would forgive him. Or even tolerate him after what he had done, but he knew that it was not going to happen. The words were playing over and over in his head 'Fuck you Stiles!' 'I can't trust you.' The words that hurt him the most because he was losing everything. Honestly, he didn't think he could take anymore of this before he literally became suicidal. He wondered how much more was in her mind. If she really felt that way, why did she love him? Maybe she didn't maybe it was all just an act. It felt like she wanted him to suffer. If she did, then t was working! His breathing became unstable again and he started to gasp. Just the thought of her feeling the way she did would cause a panic attack, but hearing her say it was so much worse. Stiles felt as if Sky had taken a dagger and shoved it through his heart. Actually, it felt worse, if that's even possible. Yes, he asked her to let it all out and yes it was all his fault, but it still hurt. How could it not, he loved Sky more than anyone else, yes even Lydia, but he ruined it all.

She was not pushing him away, he was pushing her away, he would not bend and she would do anything for him. Well, almost anything, she was willing to get along with Lydia if it made him happy. But he couldn't get along with Derek for her, he was not willing to make the same compromise that she would for him. She set her hands in her lap, knowing he was going into another panic attack and she frowned, knowing it was her fault. She slid a hand into his, but she said nothing, she was trying to give silent comfort, she loved him, completely and always she would love him. But she was tired of having to tell him, to remind him how much she loved him, it was exhausting! She squeezed his hand gently, as if telling him she was there, she was not gone, she was still there, even when hurting herself, even when she was so angry with him and hurt by him, she was still there... for him.

Stiles grabbed Sky's hand loosely and tried to calm himself. Honestly, he tried as hard as he could, but he couldn't calm down, he couldn't get the words out of his head. She didn't trust him and she was more angry at him than anyone else at the moment. He hated himself for it and it was only making everything worse. His breathing was starting to get worse and worse until it was at the point where he couldn't get any air whatsoever. He gripped onto her hand tighter, it still wasn't tight because he was so weak, but it was as tight as he could. Slowly, he moved closer to her, trying to hug her, to calm himself down so that he could breath. He needed Sky at the moment and he knew that no one else, not even Lydia could help him. He knew it was selfish, but he needed Sky to be there with him and comfort him until he felt okay again. But, if she didn't want to comfort him or help him, he understood. What he did to her was worse than anything she could ever do to him and he could never make it up to her he knew that. But he would try, no matter what, he would try, for her.

There was nothing more she wanted than to be normal right at that moment, to be just human and to not know of werewolves or the like. She was tired of fighting, she was tired of living like this, she just wanted to be able to be happy for once without feeling guilty for it. She felt him move too her, and she wrapped an arm around him, she hugged him to her side, as she leaned down to kiss the top of his head softly. She would not say anything else, they both said enough, she just wanted to be able to help him through it, as she slid her hand up and down his back, rubbing it softly, trying to help him to breathe.

She sighed softly, as she hummed quietly, her eyes swirled with color, until they were sea foam and glowing, she was using her Siren Song to take away his pain to help him breathe, she was trying to keep him calm, she never wanted anything to happen to him. Well, nothing more to happen to him that already happened to him, she closed her eyes, a few strands of her hair fell into her face slightly.